Lisa Lapides Sawicki San Diego Certified Life Coach wrote an article that was published in the August 2015 issue of the upscale magazine “Life After 50”. In the article Lisa Lapides Sawicki discusses the importance of what she calls “Self-Coaching and how the process improves your life. She tells us that every day we are already self-coaching, usually, just not in the right way.
Everyone needs to know the power of your inner thoughts, messages and self-talk.
Through my Coaching Practice, I realized that all adults, including myself, are actually self coaching our lives, about 16 waking hours a day. Learning how to properly and skillfully daily self coach is essential to the quality of our lives our relationships and our very important relationship with ourselves. It all begins with our self talk, the way you talk to yourself and messages you give yourself throughout the day.
Here are some examples of this:
Negative Self –Talk
- I am so fat…I hate my body
- I am too old for…
- I never have any fun
- I am not a fun person
- No one really likes me
- I never have anything to wear
- She or He is better than me
- Everything bad happens to me
- They are only being nice to me because they want something from me
- They just want to use me
- I see the beauty in my body and am so grateful for all that it does for me
- I accept myself..I accept others
- I never want to say mean or bullying messages to myself
- I am young at heart and can do what I choose to
- I am a fun person
- I am likable…lovable ( and really believe it)
- I trust the sincere intentions of myself and others
- I really like myself..I enjoy my own company
- All of us are equals, no one is better than anyone else. We all shine in our own way
- I believe that compliment because they really meant what they said about me
Why is self-talk so vitally important?
Statistics prove that 1 in 10 Americans suffer from depression and even more people experience chronic anxiety. No one teaches the ramifications of our inner thoughts and statements and how to positively, with intention, “Self-Coach” during those 16 waking hours per day (based on an 8 hour sleep schedule).
Our society often breeds emotional dependency, trying only to “FIX” problems and issues as they arise, as opposed to Empowering people with increased emotional independence. Emotional independence is when a person has the ability to calm themselves after something upsetting happens to them and begin to figure out how to problem solve the situation or work on accepting it if it is out of their control. People who are not emotionally independent are constantly needing ‘outside help ‘ vices or ‘fixes’ when they feel upset or need to problem solve. They do not know how to manage their own emotions. People need to learn how manage their own upset emotions, calm themselves down and look for options and possibilities.
With taking responsibility that like it or not, you are self coaching 16 hours a day, a person can easily and quickly learn the tools, skills and techniques to be self-aware, positively shift their self-talk, and own the TRUTH that every single one of us is doing our own daily, moment-to-moment, self coaching.
You are the one and only Director of Your Life.
As a Coach, I feel the mandatory responsibility to teach positive and specific daily self coaching techniques and skills to each of my clients for the 16 waking hours a day that they are positively, realistically and productively talking to themselves and directing their reactions and actions as opposed to being self-sabotaging . Even if a person is already working with a Coach or Therapist, on average that is only one hour per week, can you imagine the life results you could achieve if you were positively coaching yourself the other 111 waking hours a week? Endless possibilities.
Our 16 waking hours a day consists of managing emotions, thoughts, reactions and actions. No conscience person escapes that fact.The problem is we are never taught how to healthily talk to our self and self coach. Our society breeds us to feel fearful, shameful, not good enough, guilty, competitive, better than or less than. We are bombarded with these messages thousands of times a day from the media, community, some friends and family, co-workers, care-givers and maybe others who are jealous. We concentrate and learn so many things other than our own powerful self management and then we wonder why so many people find themselves unhappy, feeling ‘flat and joyless’, like a victim, in a bad relationship , job or circumstance, abused or just dissatisfied.
” Life is what happens to you when you are not practicing daily self awareness and self coaching”. The actual daily benefits of learning and practicing self coaching are more:
- Self Directed Productiveness
- Schedule Control
- Resiliency and Less Personalization
- Awareness of fair, healthy and safe boundaries
- Aware of desired and undesired actions and commitments
- Self control and self acceptance
- Ability to reach realistic goals
- Happiness and Fulfillment
Here are some self coaching skills that you can start incorporating immediately:
- Notice ( without any judgement…just observe) what your inner thoughts and inner self talk reveal about you. Are you for the most part a positive person? negative? victim? insecure? judgemental? fearful? fair? realistic? jealous? conceded? needy? competitive? etc..
- Notice how you feel just being by yourself . Is it nice or are you bored? Do you feel comfortable being by yourself without talking to anyone?
- Notice how you feel with the different people in your life. Is it nice to be or talk with them? Maybe not so nice or pleasant with some individuals.
- Start observing how people feel in your company and about you. Are you likable? lovable? judgemental? needy? nice?
- As you really start noticing what your inner world is saying to you and how you are feeling. Feel free to write down some of these self observations in a notebook if you choose. Take a real look at yourself and noticed your thoughts, reactions, emotions and on-going actions and attitudes. Now after you really take this time to self observe and get clarity on your inner thought tendencies…
- Not negotiable: Make a choice from this day forward and Every Day to love, have compassion, trust, accept and powerfully be supportive to yourself. It all begins with your positive self talk and messages you are giving to yourself. There is no room for victim feelings or repetitive negative feelings.No matter what. No excuses. You owe that to yourself. You must choose to love and accept yourself fully and to daily choose to be self supportive. You take responsibility for your peace of mind ( meditate..walk, dance..read..etc) and the fulfillment of your life. Your happiness is not anyone else’s responsibility..it is yours.
If you are open now to make some realistic, powerful positive shifts, write down 4 goals, issues, challenges or outcomes you would like to make happen for yourself that you can start working on. Just 4 to start.
- Now…think of what self talk you have to tell yourself to schedule and work on each of those 4 goals every week. Write down the positive self talk messages you need to say and implement to begin daily or weekly to reach those goals.
Here are some self talk sentence starters:
Everyday for 1/2 to 1 hour a day I am going to………
When my inner self talk is negative in any way, or someone or something is bothering me, I am going to challenge myself to discover if I can positively re-frame it, let it go, let it be or create a possible desired positive solution or outcome.
I am choosing to talk with strong support to myself and direct myself to do positive large and small actions with pleasure and some ease.
I choose not to take things personally, but to learn and grow from all tough mistakes, hurts and disappointments. This is not easy but if you start practicing it, it will quickly change those wasteful, negative feelings that only bring you down and prevent you from feeling self accepting and peaceful.
I can say “No Thank You” gracefully and graciously when I need to and is a healthy self boundary for me! This is HUGE.
I can realistically be self responsible and self accountable.
I choose to be a ‘person of my word’ meaning I do what I declare I am going to do. This way you don’t disappoint yourself and others or create “messes”. I also choose to say ‘I am sorry’ when it is true and necessary.
I choose to be nice, pleasant, fair and clearly communicative with all others.
In the 24 hours a day that I am given, I will create a pleasurable, do able schedule for myself that allows me to feel grounded and fulfilled. This will require that I properly prioritize and have patience to accomplish my needs and goals in a sane and healthy way.
I choose to have Schedule Control for creating a ‘Life Worth Living’. I can direct my scheduled day..every day ( even making additional time and room for spontaneity and the occasional unexpected situation). I don’t allow my day to direct me like a rat in a maze.
When I feel hurt, angry, sad, scared or disappointed I will always choose allow myself some time for my grief and then to be healthily and emotionally resilient. Resiliency is one of the most human being successful skills and tools.
I choose to challenge myself every week to do something that is ‘ good for me’ even if I avoid or resist it. You can’t imagine how your world and heart will open up from stretching ‘your comfort zone’.
I choose to silently acknowledge or reward myself everyday for the positive and productive things I have accomplished. This is mandatory! Get used to it.You have to compliment yourself inwardly for doing a good or burdensome job. You count and You need to give yourself praise. We are not just ‘Doing Machines”.
I choose to conquer my tasks and assignments in a timely, relaxed matter and not leave them to the last minute which can often create problems, messes and stress.
I choose to be compassionate and fair with others.
I choose to feel grateful everyday for all of my and my loved one’s blessings.
If you begin to practice all of these concepts and self coaching skills you will begin to almost instantly manifest a more positive inner and outer existence. Your emotions and actions will be more positive and your outcomes greatly more improved and satisfied.
Bottom Line: Self Coach Starting Now.
To Learn more about the Self Coach Now Program , request an interview or Speaking Engagement with Lisa Lapides Sawicki please call 619.722.5056 or email firstname.lastname@example.org